Sebastian Smythe's Day Off
by samlover14
Summary: It's a beautiful day in Westerville, so the only logical explanation is to skip school - not the easiest thing to do with a goody-two-shoes roommate and a nosy Headmaster. Follow Sebastian in a Ferris Bueller-themed tale as he takes his boyfriend and best friend on a wild ride. Written for Seblaine Week 2013. (Day Four, Free Day.) [Dalton!AU Seblaine, Niff if you squint]


**A/N: This isn't even proofread, so sue me. If I find any super egregious errors, I'll edit it. If you find any, let me know.**

**Anyway, Happy Thursday! It's Free Day and I'm ridiculous and writing without a prompt, so here, have the Dalton!AU Seblaine version of Ferris Bueller's Day Off.**

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Sebastian Smythe's Day Off

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_It is a beautiful day in Westerville today, temperatures expected to reach the upper 70's. Right now 75 at our studio, 73 downtown, 74 over in Lima, and now, up in the sky, Rob Wilson with the Skyview Traffic._

"Sebastian."

"Nnh."

"Sebastian, we're going to be late for class," Nick said, poking his roommate. Sebastian stared blankly at the wall. "Sebastian, honestly."

"Nick?" Sebastian finally asked. "Is that you?"

"Who the hell else would it be?" Nick asked.

"I see… spots…" Sebastian said vaguely.

"Are you okay?" Nick finally asked, reaching a hand to put on Sebastian's forehead. No fever, but Nick caught one of Sebastian's hands as he was pulling his own away. It was cold and clammy as hell.

"I'm fine," Sebastian said. "I'm getting up."

"No, I think you should stay in bed," Nick said. "You look pretty sick. Maybe you've got mono. Who've you been kissing?"

"Just … just Blaine," Sebastian said weakly.

"You look like shit," Nick said.

"My stomach hurts," Sebastian whined.

"Yeah, just stay in bed, I'll tell them you're sick."

"I'm fine, I'm getting up," Sebastian said, making to get out of bed.

"No!"

"We have a test today."

"You're not going to class like that, you'll get halfway across the quad and pass out," Nick said. "Go back to sleep. You'll feel better later." A knock on the door. "Coming…" Nick opened the door and there was Jeff, all dressed in his blazer, ready to walk with Nick to class. "Sebastian's sick."

"Right. Dry that one out, you can fertilize the lawn," Jeff said, rolling his eyes. "Ready to go?"

"Jeff? Jeff, is that you? I can't see that far," Sebastian said.

"Come on, we'll be late," Nick said, pulling Jeff away from Sebastian.

"How come you're letting him stay home?" Jeff asked Nick. "You never let me stay home."

"Sebastian's sick!" Nick said again.

"You have your health, Jeff, be thankful," Sebastian said as the door shut behind Nick and Jeff. A full minute passed. Sebastian lay in bed with his eyes shut. Then, he threw the covers off and sat up.

They bought it.

It was the Sebastian's ninth sick day this semester, and it was getting tough to think of new illnesses, but Nick always seemed to buy the story. Maybe he just thought Sebastian got sick more than the normal person. This would probably be the last one Sebastian would be able to get away with, so he'd better make it count.

Homeroom was always a more somber experience than any other, since the administration had banned impromptu performances from homeroom. Professor Winston took roll the same way he always did, in no particular order.

"Duval?" Here.  
"Harwood?" Here.  
"Thompson?" Here.  
"Sterling?" Here.  
"Anderson? Anderson?" Here.  
"Smythe? Smythe? Smythe?"

"He's sick," Nick said. "I'm his roommate and I couldn't let him come to school today, I thought he might pass out in the hallway. I think it's pretty serious."

"Thank you, Nick."

"No problem, whatsoever," Nick said.

"Clarington? Clarington? Clarington? Clarington?"

Hunter Clarington was lying in bed, in his room with the lights off, contemplating his mortal fate. Then his phone rang, and _Whistle_ filled the room. Sebastian calling.

"Hello?"

"Hunter, babe, what's happening?" Sebastian asked.

"Very little."

"How do you feel?"

"Shredded."

"Is Blaine there?"

"He left already."

"Shit," Sebastian said.

"Where are you?" Hunter asked.

"I'm taking the day off. Now get dressed and come on over."

"I can't, stupid, I'm sick," Hunter said.

"That's all in your head. Come on over."

"I feel like complete shit, Sebastian, I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Sebastian said. "Now come on over here and pick me up." He hung up. "Sheesh." Hunter set down his Blackberry and returned to his morbid stare into time.

"I'm dying," Hunter said to himself. The phone rang again and Hunter picked it up.

"You're not dying, you just can't think of anything good to do," Sebastian said before hanging up again.

If anyone needed a day off, it was Hunter. He'd been working the Warblers so hard through Regionals he'd barely taken the time to sleep, and now he really was sick. He hadn't been in class the day before either. He was such a hardass in front of the Warblers Council, you just have to know he'd be a total baby if he ever got sick.

After homeroom, Nick was sent to the Headmaster's office. Headmaster Churchill was usually fairly understanding, but Nick didn't know what for the life of him he'd done to get himself into trouble this time.

"Nick, do you know why you're here?" Headmaster Churchill asked.

"Nope. Not a clue," Nick said.

"Your roommate Sebastian Smythe is absent from class again today."

"Yeah, I know, I should have called him into the office, but we had Warbler practice and I forgot. He's really sick, sir," Nick asked.

"Are you also aware that Mr. Smythe has been sick _nine times_ this semester?" Headmaster Churchill asked. "With you vouching for him each time?"

"Nine time?" Nick asked. "I don't remember him being sick nine times."

"If Sebastian thinks he can just coast through this month and still graduate, he is sorely mistaken. Warbler or not, we have academic standards here at Dalton."

"Yes, sir, of course," Nick said. "I understand the urge to take the day off on a beautiful day like today, but I assure you, Sebastian is truly very ill today."

Back in Sebastian's room, he was playing Halo while he waited for Hunter to get up.

Back in class, Mr. Winston's first period Economics class was just as boring as ever.

"Back in 1930, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, in the effort to alleviate the effects of the…. Anyone? Anyone? The Great Depression… Passed the anyone? Anyone? The tariff bill. The Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act which, anyone? Raised or Lowered? Raised tariffs in an effort to collect more revenue for the federal government. Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did not work, and the United States sank deeper into the Great Depression. Today, we have a similar debate over this, does anyone know what this is? Class? Anyone? Anyone seen this before? The Laffer Curve. Anyone know what this says? It says that at _this_ point on the revenue curve, you will get exactly as much revenue as at this point. This is very controversial. Does anyone know what President Bush called this, in 1980? Anyone? Something d-o-o economics, voodoo economics…"

Nick wanted to poke his eyeballs out with his pencil. Taking the day off didn't sound like too bad an idea.

Jeff walked down the hall between first and second period, when Trent caught up with him.

"Hey, Jeff, did you hear about Sebastian?" Trent asked.

"Yeah, he's a douchebag," Jeff said.

"No, I mean he's really sick."

"Whoa, whoa, who says he's sick?" Jeff asked. Jeff knew his friend well enough to know when he was faking. Nick fell for it every time.

"Everyone, they say he's like on the verge of death," Trent said. "Eric from my biology class says he heard that if Sebastian dies, he's giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder. He's such a sweetie. Gotta go…" Trent walked into the classroom on their left. Another student walked up to Jeff.

"Hey, Jeff!"

"Shut up," Jeff said, walking right on past. On his right, David and Beats were crowded around David's cell phone.

"Please do not yank my cord on this, how desperate is the situation?" David asked.

"Well…" Sebastian said. He was sitting in his room, playing with his computer. "Have you seen Alien? When that creature was in that guy's stomach? It kinda feels like that."

"God damn, are you kidding?" David asked.

"No, of course I'm not kidding, does it sound like I'm kidding?" Sebastian asked, putting his phone next to his computer's speakers and pressing a button to make a sound like a cough.

"Who're you talking to?" Thad asked, walking up.

"Sebastian," Beats said.

"We appreciate you letting us know how you're doing," David said. "I gotta go. Keep good thought, dude." David handed his phone to Beats.

"Thanks," Sebastian said.

"Shit, hope he doesn't die," Thad said. "We've got Nationals…"

"How's your bod?" Beats asked. Sebastian's computer made some more coughs. "Oh my God, you're dying?"

"Uh-oh," Sebastian said before pressing all the buttons at once.

"Is it serious?" Beats asked.

"I don't know. I hope not," Sebastian said. "Think I may need a kidney transplant."

"Shit!" Beats said. "Are you upset?" Sebastian's computer made some more noises. "Think you'll be alive this weekend?"

"Yeah, I'd say I will," Sebastian said.

"Awesome, Thad's planning a party," Beats said. The school bell rang. "Shit, class!" He hung up his phone.

Headmaster Edward Churchill, usually a pretty solid dude, was reading through Sebastian's file – and it was extensive.

"I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him," he said to his assistant, Grace.

"Well, with your bad knee, Ed, you shouldn't throw anybody," Grace said. She was a little ditzy. Ed stared at her. "It's true."

"What is so dangerous about a character like Sebastian Smythe is he gives good kids bad ideas," Ed said. "Remember the slushee incident last year?"

"Blaine Anderson dropped all charges for that," Grace said. "In fact, I see him and Sebastian going around quite a little bit."

"The last thing I need is for 250 Sebastian Smythe disciples to be running around this school. It jeopardizes my ability to effectively govern this student body!"

"He makes you look like an ass, is what he does," Grace said. "When you brought in that military kid to take over the Warblers, he really pulled one on you there…"

"I don't need reminding, Grace."

"He's very popular," Grace said. "The Warblers, the motor-heads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wasteoids, dweebies, dickheads… They all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude."

"That is why I have got to catch him this time," Ed said. "To show these kids the example he sets is a first class ticket to _nowhere_!" Ed handed Sebastian's file back to Grace.

"You sounded like Dirty Harry just then," Grace said.

"Thanks Grace," Ed said as she left.

Sebastian was still in his room waiting for Hunter.

"I'm serious, man, this is ridiculous, making me wait around the house for you," Sebastian said.

"Why can't you let me rot in peace?" Hunter whined. He was still in bed.

"Hunt, this is my ninth sick day. If I get caught, I won't graduate. I'm not doing this for me, I'm doing this for you," Sebastian said. "Be a man, take some Pepto-Bismal, get dressed and come over here. I'm tired of this."

"Oh, shut up," Hunter said.

"If you're not over here in fifteen minutes, I'm coming over there and you will not like it," Sebastian warned before hanging up. Hunter stared at the ceiling.

"He'll keep calling me. He'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guilty… This is ridiculous, okay, fine, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go," Hunter said to himself. He sat up. His head throbbed. "Goddamn it." He got up and ruffled through his dresser, looking for Tylenol. His head throbbed so hard, he had to close his eyes and sit down. "Forget it, that's it. Forget it," Hunter mumbled, crawling back to his bed with the bottle of Tylenol in his hand. "Shit." He downed three Tylenol and half a bottle of water.

English class…

"In what… way… does the author's use … of… prison! symbolize the protagonist's struggle AND how does this relate to our discussion on the uses of irony…" Blaine yawned. A knock on the door. Blaine grinned, piled his books, and shoved them quietly into his bag before straightening his tie and buttoning his blazer. The nurse and the teacher talked for a second, then…

"Blaine Anderson?" the nurse asked. "May I have a word with you, dear?" Blaine threw a smug grin to Jeff over his shoulder on his way out of the room. The nurse walked Blaine down the hall. "I'm afraid I'm the bringer of bad tidings. Your father called. Your grandmother has just passed."

"What?" Blaine asked. "No!" He cried into the nurse's shoulder.

Headmaster Churchill was not impressed.

"Dead… grandmother?" he asked Grace.

"Yes, that's what Mr. Anderson said," Grace said. "I had Florence notify Blaine. Poor little Warbler." Ed looked at Grace suspiciously.

"Would you get me Mr. Anderson's daytime number?" Ed asked.

"Sure." The phone rang and Grace picked it up. "Headmaster Churchill's office, Dalton Academy."

"This is George Anderson," came the voice.

"Oh!" Grace said happily. "Please hold." She put him on hold. "What do you know, it's Mr. Anderson!" She handed the phone to Ed. "Do you still want his daytime number?"

"Ed Churchill," he answered the phone.

"Ed, this is George Anderson."

"How are you today, sir?"

"Well, we had a bit of bad luck this morning as you might have heard…"

"Yeah, I heard, and gosh, I'm all broken up. What a blow."

"Yeah… yeah. Well, it's been a tough morning and we've got a bit of family business to take care of, so if you wouldn't mind excusing Blaine… I'd appreciate it."

"Oh, sure, I'd be happy to," Ed said. "You just produce a corpse and I'll release Blaine. I wanna see this dead grandmother firsthand."

"Ed!" Grace whispered. Ed covered up the phone speaker.

"It's all right, Grace. It's Sebastian Smythe, the little twerp," Ed said. "I'm gonna set a trap and let him fall right into it."

"Ed, I'm sorry, did you say that you wanted to see a body?" Mr. Anderson asked.

"Yeah, that's right, just roll her old bones on over here, and I'll produce your son," Ed said. "You know that school policy." The other line rang and Grace ran to get it. "Was this your mother?"

"No, my wife's mother…"

"Headmaster Churchill's office, Dalton Academy," Grace answered the phone.

"Hi, this is Sebastian Smythe, can I talk to Headmaster Churchill, please?" Sebastian said. Grace's eyes went wide.

"Hold…." She put him on hold and ran into the other room.

"Tell you what, dipshit, you don't like my policies, you can come on down here and smooch my big ol' white butt. Pucker up, buttercup," Ed said. He saw Grace. "What?" he whispered.

"Sebastian Smythe's on line two…" she said. Ed went white. Slowly, he reached out for the line two button and hit it.

"Hi, Headmaster Churchill, how you doing?" Sebastian asked. "Listen, I'm sorry to disturb you from what I'm sure is a very busy work day, but I'm not feeling well and I was wondering if it might be possible for my roommate to bring home all the assignments I might need? Have a nice day." Sebastian hung up the phone, humming to himself as he fixed his hair. Even more slowly, Ed switched back to line one.

"Mr. Anderson?" Ed asked. "I think I owe you an apology, sir…"

"I should say you do!" Hunter yelled, doing a phony voice to impersonate Blaine's dad. "I think you should be sorry for Christ's sake. A family member dies, and you insult me, what the _hell_ the matter with you anyway?"

"I… I.. I didn't think I was talking to you, sir, I thought I was talking to somebody else, you know that I would never deliberately insult you… I can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I am."

"Pardon my French, but you're an asshole!" Hunter yelled. "An asshole!"

"You're absolutely right, sir, you hit the nail right on the head," Ed said. "Find out where he is!" he hissed to Grace.

"This isn't over, Buster, do you read me?"

"Loud and clear, Mr. Anderson, loud and clear."

"Call me sir, goddammit!"

"Yes, sir, yes, sir!" Ed said quickly.

"That's better, now just mind your p's and q's and remember who you're dealing with," Hunter said. Sebastian slid into the bedroom, all ready to go.

"Smythe. Sebastian Smythe." Hunter covered the phone's speaker.

"I'm a little worried, cuz what if he recognizes my voice?" Hunter asked.

"Impossible, you're doing great," Sebastian said. Hunter smiled and went back to his phone.

"Churchill!" he yelled. "Calm down. I don't have all day to bark at you, so I'm gonna make this short and sweet. I want my son out in front of the school in ten minutes, by himself! I don't want anybody–" Sebastian hit Hunter's shoulder.

"It's too suspicious, he'll think something's up!" Sebastian hissed. "Cover it."

"Churchill! I changed my mind! I'd like to have you out in front of the school with him, I'd like to have a few words with you, by God!" Sebastian slapped the phone out of Hunter's hands. "On second thought, we don't have time to chat today, just send him to his dorm, I'll pick him up there!" Hunter yelled before hanging up the phone. Sebastian kicked him. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Where's your brain?" Sebastian asked.

"Why'd you kick me?"

"Where's your brain?"

"Why'd you kick me?"

"Where's your brain?"

"I asked you first."

"How can we pick up Blaine if Churchill's gonna be there with him?" Sebastian asked.

"I said for him to be there alone and you freaked," Hunter said. "I had him sent to his dorm, you didn't have to kick me."

"I didn't kick you, I lightly slapped you," Sebastian said. "With my foot."

"You kicked me." Hunter and Sebastian stared at each other for a few seconds. "Don't ask me to participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way I do it. You make me get out of bed, you make me come over here, you make me make a phony phone call to Edward Churchill, the man could squash my nuts into oblivion, and then, _and then_, you kicked me." Hunter picked up his blazer and put it on slowly.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going home," Hunter said. "Have a nice life, see you in practice." He made to leave.

"Hey!" Sebastian said. "Hunter, wait a minute, come back. I didn't mean to lose my temper, that was uncalled for."

"You serious?" Hunter asked suspiciously.

"Yeah," Sebastian said. He loaded his personal K-cup machine and made Hunter a mug of tea, his favorite. "I'm sorry, Hunt."

"Thank you," Hunter said. A knock on the door. Sebastian jumped.

"Uh… come in," Sebastian said, nervously. It was Blaine. "Hey, killer."

"My grandmothers have both been dead since the 90's," Blaine said. "What are we doing today?"

"The question isn't what are we going to do, the question is what _aren't_ we going to do?" Sebastian said. "Take Hunter with you, change out of your uniform, we're going to have the time of our lives."

Back in the hallways of Dalton Academy, Warblers and non-Warblers alike were walking up and down the halls collecting money in straw hats. (Just look for the Dalton blazer.)

"Save Sebastian? Save Sebastian Smythe?" they walked down the halls. "God loves you, you're very generous."

"Save Sebastian Smythe?" one of them said to Jeff. Jeff rolled his eyes.

"What?" Jeff asked.

"We're collecting money to buy Sebastian Smythe a new kidney, and they run around 50g's or so, so if you could help out…"

"Go kiss up a flagpole," Jeff said, rolling his eyes and turning to walk away.

"I'm sorry?"

"You should be," Jeff said, resisting the urge to knock the hat full of bills from the guy's hands.

"Hey! What if you need a favor from Sebastian someday, then how will you be? You heartless wretch!" the guy yelled after him.

Meanwhile, Headmaster Churchill was still trying to catch Sebastian in the act.

"Anderson home on line one, and watch your mouth this time," Grace said as she transferred him.

"Go soak your head," Ed commented to her. The phone rang out and he got the machine – _We can't come to the phone right now… We've had a… death in the family…_ Blaine's voice, sobbing, very convincing. "Grace, Sebastian Smythe's behind this, there is no doubt in my mind. And now he's got Blaine Anderson involved in this thing.

"His grandmother too," Grace said.

"You pinhead," Ed said.

_If you need to reach us, we'll be at the following number_, Blaine sobbed. Grace dialed the number and transferred the headmaster.

"I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind," Ed said. The machine picked up that time too – _You've reached the Coughlin brothers mortuary. We are deeply sorry we are unable to come to the phone right now but if you leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as is humanly possible._ The number rang to Sebastian's father's garage, and the voice was Hunter's, but Ed didn't know that. "Something's going on, goddamn it. And I'm gonna find out what it is. I'm gonna catch this kid, and I'm gonna put one hell of a dent in his future. Fifteen years from now when he looks back at the ruin his life's become, he will remember Edward Churchill."

Sebastian, Blaine, and Hunter took a joyride in Sebastian's BMW. They went everywhere, to the malls, out to a fancy restaurant for lunch, and then finally out to Sebastian's father cabin at the beach, where they went swimming, and then sat on the deck looking across the lake.

"Do you wanna get married?" Sebastian asked Blaine. Sebastian was sitting on the picnic table bench. Blaine was sitting on the picnic table. Hunter was standing at the grill, cooking sausages, because they were hungry again after all the swimming.

"Sure," Blaine said.

"Today?" Sebastian asked. Blaine laughed. "I'm serious."

"I'm not getting married today," Blaine said.

"Why not?" Sebastian asked.

"What do you mean, 'why not'? Think about it!" Blaine said.

"Well, no, besides, being too young, having no place to live, and feeling a little awkward about being the only Warbler with a husband, give me one good reason, why not?" Sebastian asked.

"I'll give you two good reasons why not, my mother and my father," Hunter interjected. "They're married and they hate each other. You've seen them, am I right?"

"So what?" Sebastian shrugged.

"It's my dad's car. He has a Porsche. He loves the car, he hates his wife. He never drives it, he just rubs it with a diaper," Hunter said.

"Someday, Sebastian," Blaine said. "But not today."

"So, it's a yes?" Sebastian asked.

"Yes," Blaine nodded. "Someday." Sebastian put his hand inside his pocket and pulled out a ring box. "What are you doing?"

"Proposing," Sebastian said, simply, getting up so he could get down on one knee properly. "You didn't think I'd make this much fuss about skipping school without a motive, did you?" Blaine shook his head, laughing. "So, will you marry me? Someday?"

"Yes," Blaine said. "Yes, I will." He slid off the table to kiss his boyfriend as Sebastian slid the ring on his finger.

"You're gonna be wearing that when we win at Nationals," Sebastian said. "Mine."

"Yours," Blaine said.

"Cut to the song, it's getting boring," Hunter interrupted.

"Aw, Huntie's jealous," Sebastian sang. "I love you too, Hunt." Sebastian bounded over to his best friend and tried to give him a kiss on the cheek, but Hunter almost hit him with the grill tongs.

All days come to an end eventually. Hunter was going to lead Warbler practice, under the pretense of Blaine and Sebastian both being unavailable, but he wanted to say something to them first before he did.

"You taught me something today, Sebastian," Hunter said. "It's ridiculous, being afraid, worrying about everything, all that shit. I'm tired of it. It's the best day of my life. I'm gonna miss you guys next year."

"You're welcome," Sebastian said. "Don't work them too hard at practice."

"Okay, I won't," Hunter said, hopping over the side of the car onto the pavement. "Gotta get dressed, final bell's about to ring." He took off running for his dorm to change back into this uniform.

"So," Sebastian said to Blaine when Hunter was gone, taking his hand as they walked leisurely across the parking lot. "How was your day?"

"Best day of my life," Blaine said. Sebastian's fingers laced with Blaine's, and he could feel the smooth metal on Blaine's finger. It made him smile.

"We've got about an hour and a half to kill before Nick and Hunter get back," Sebastian said. "I have an idea or two about how we could spend it…"

"You knew what you were doing when you woke up this morning, didn't you?" Blaine said. Sebastian grinned.

Two hours later, Sebastian's phone received a text message from Hunter, telling him practice was over and Nick was heading back.

"Oh, shit!" Sebastian said, hopping around the room. Blaine had left a few minutes before, but the room was still not anywhere near the state at which Nick had left poor bedridden Sebastian in it that morning. Sebastian ran around the room quickly throwing things where they belonged, finally collapsing back into bed just as Nick unlocked the door.

"Sebastian?" Nick said softly.

"Huh?" Sebastian said, feigning just waking up.

"Are you feeling better?" Nick asked.

"One hundred and fifty percent better," Sebastian grinned. Nick came over and felt Sebastian's forehead again.

"You're still awfully warm," Nick said. "Maybe you better stay home tomorrow too."

"Nah, I think I'll be alright," Sebastian said, slowly dragging himself out of bed. "Don't make me stay home again, I want to go to school. I have to graduate in June, and lead the Warblers to a Nationals trophy."

"Sebastian, you're sick. Don't go pushing it and making yourself worse," Nick said, pushing Sebastian back in bed with a gentle tap.

"Maybe you're right…"

"I know I'm right," Nick said. "Say, did you hear Blaine's grandmother died today? It's such a shame, I'm sure she was nice…"

Back in Blaine and Hunter's room, Hunter walked back into the room, took one look at Blaine, who still couldn't stop grinning, and rolled his eyes.

"He's gonna marry me," Blaine said happily.

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**A/N: HAPPY ENDINGS ALL AROUND!**

**I got bored with the plot of the movie after about 20 minutes. The first 20 minutes is the best part anyway, I have it memorized. **

**So, leave me a review telling me how much I suck at life, and I'll get back to you tomorrow with McKinley Day! **

**Samantha.**


End file.
